SHEY365

DAY 1: expect nothing.

man, today has been some sort of awful. last night was the first night i was back in my own bed after like 4 days ( since i went to san fran for the dom kennedy / jealous guys concert, which was AMAZING) anyways, it was the first night not having to sleep on a floor. and it felt soo good. i ended up sleeping in until like 1:30 lol but when i woke up i felt like shit. :/ 

anyways, its 3:19am and i should be sleeping, i have work in about 5 hrs. but my mind is all over the place. i guess the thing it lingers on the most tho, is the fact that i need to learn not to expect shit from anybody, because then i will never ever be disappointed. i will never lose faith in people. but i do, because i…am always the person willing to help others even when i cant afford to spend the time, energy, or money doing it. and what do i get in return? zip zero. nada. nothing. its not like i ask for much, i mean i ask for 5 minutes of someones time at the very least, shit i go through stuff too. and forgive me for thinking that i could possibly have just ONE somebody there to vent to a any time, just like they have me. i’m so used to holding shit in and keeping it to myself, but sometimes… thats just not an option. sometimes, it just overflows to the point where i cant hold it in. sometimes i dont have the fucking answer or advise that i need. and today, was one of those days. and did anyone have the time? no. was i disappointed? very. but at the end of the day, its my problem not theres. im the only one stressing off of it. not them. i just need to learn how to let go and not give a fuck. and sometimes i just need to learn how to say no! i would be so much happier if i could just, do that. 

i would vent here about everything going on in my life, but honestly. thats like talking to myself. so theres no point. just know that i am going to be doing some rearranging of priorities. and i could care less, how much other people like it. 

im out. 

Photo

Day 27

today, at work i had this old guy come in. he was probally in his late 60s - early 70s, anyways, he goes to hand me his money and i couldn’t help but notice the word “LOVE” tattooed across his knuckles. he goes “no hate to go along with it…just love” i wished him a good day, nd watched him leave the store. i seriously think that was probally the dopest part of my day, seeing that. maybe its just me, that would think thats cool. but it was just interesting on the wrinkled and fragile hands of such an old soul. it was beautiful. 

aside from that, work was blah. lets stay positive tho :) TODAY is THE DAY! dom kennedy//jealous guys concert tonight, im STOKED! even tho i’ll be in the city solo most of the day, maybe i can shop around and find a nice fit to wear for the night. at least i will have someone to go to the show with :) thanks to miles brandon. LIFE SAVER! it would have been so lame to go alone. im def looking forward to hanging out with ayinde after the show, as long as everything goes as planned. anyways, im off to do my hair and prepare everything for tomorrows trip :) 2 days off from work! oh yes ;) goodnight tumblr

ms. stress

It’s better that it hurts, it’s better that it feels this way to me
I can’t be too comfortable cause loving you is not my destiny

Said I’m concerned that I feel this pain my heart is aching, breaking, pain staking in this gambling thing this ain’t no
parallel universe parallel life you choose to in one your living like love of my life and in the other your the daddy of
theirs so I play Russian Roulette and put this phone to my ear just to say, yo this is Ms. Stress

It’s better that it hurts, it’s better that it feels this way to me
I can’t be too comfortable cause loving you is not my destiny

See too much asked of me through his lips so I attempted to be all that dreams suggest to the ego and promise the soul 
I tried to be all he had ever told of the interchangable face and physicality and mentality of she as closely ?? he
summoned all my tears abandoned we 
I lived alone for years No longer knowing who exactly is Me as I began the punishment for his perfection 
My vision nearly lost the direction my return to innocence was lost and his ID you see I forgot instead I saw protection
through judgment now angels and devils look alike to me sometimes quiet sounds like lonely to me

My Angel I stopped breathing for you If my life was possible without end to be sure if love I’m needing more than just a
casual affair But the pain runs deep internally But clearly seen when your not there

It’s better that it hurts, it’s better that it feels this way to me
I can’t be too comfortable cause loving you is not my destiny
It’s better that it hurts, it’s better that it feels this way to me
I can’t be too comfortable cause loving you is not my destiny

Yo, Yo, Yo It ain’t my time to die right now 
You to I means death of my heart my visions my dreams [2x’s]

Video

“If I Was A Bird”

[INTRO (Talking)]
Sometimes blindness finds me
and leads me through ignorance
not allowing us to gain experience
so we become lifeless
At other times I cover with 
self pity or work aimlessly through reality so
Occasionally I choose to travel alone
but never fulfil my possibility so
mostly I attempt to achieve balance
by seeking right knowledge of loving 
and reviewing and eventually overstanding those
many lessons of my life

[VERSE 1]
You got me caught in a stormy eye world of dreams
and I beg to see truth and promises you made to me
now we’ve come so far but my visions of happiness 
with you in my life I’m afraid and confused
If I was a bird I’d fly

[CHORUS]
If I was a bird I’d fly away
spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

If I was a bird I’d fly away
spread my wings so I’d escape
If I was the sky
I’d let it rain to wash away the pain

[VERSE 2]
Now why do I feel so alone
knowing I know I have you
and what made you turn around on me
what did I do
and when did love feel this way
so much pain and misery
where’s the you I once knew
and could ya fly with me

[REPEAT CHORUS (x2)]

Now I can’t stay
you won’t need me
set me free and let me fly 
oh fly with me
fly with me me
fly with me yeah
fly oh fly fly

[REPEAT CHORUS (x2)]

Fly away
(music)
If I was the sky 
I’d let it rain to wash the pain
(music)
Fly away 

Day 20 : keep calm & listen to Dom

ha. 

man, all thats on my mind is the 27th!!! DOM KENNEDY / OVERDOZ & ayinde&casa are performing in san fran. :) im TOO excited :) i will be in the audience reciting every word, to every song. please believe that. 

anyways, yesterday was WEAK. not even worth mentioning. today, has barely started so for now, i leave you with this… 

BBL ;)

Day 19 - ‎”So, I typed a text to a girl I used to see , Sayin that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be And I apologize if this message gets you down Then I CC’d every girl that I’d see see round town and , I hate to see y’all frown but I’d rather see her smiling….”

a little outkast for that ass :) 

wassssup??? :) 

whoa, 0.o idk why i’m in such a good mood for it to be 3:07am lol but fuck it. :) 

my day went pretty smooth. just went to work, shits kinda akward there with my manager getting the boot and all. funny how much people talk behind other peoples back. i just smile & listen, and  keep my mouth closed. you won’t catch me being messy, and especially not at work. anyways, thats pretty much all i can think of at the moment, but this day…is far from over so we’ll see what happens from here :) 

G/N yall. 

Day 17

9:16pm

i’m actually remembering to do this early, even though the night is far from over lol, im sure nothing to wild is going to happen. today was actually pretty chill, i just cleaned up & ran errands and stuff. got some new hair products for my hair, hoping to get my bouncy curls back. ugh, ive done so much crap to it, its way too damaged. flat irons, relaxer, and hair dye -__- i will NEVER do any of that again. (maybe) lol. ;). anyways the day was real chill, talked to my aunt about some life stuff, seems like we’ve been on different pages lately with everything. stuff in the house has been chaos, and sometimes it runs smooth, hopefully things will go more smoothly after our talk. im SO excited for the dom kennedy / jealous guys concert to be here already! the 27th needs to hurry up and be tomorrow! lol (: other than that i really dont  know what else to talk about. all of this could have been left unsaid but im trying to remember to blog everyday, bot just to do but to teach myself to be consistent with everything, not just tumblr. working out, stuff i say im going to do, keeping in contact with people, all of it. and yeah, that pretty much sums up my sunday. im out. peeeeaaaacce :)

Audio

aaliyah - choosey lover

Day 16 : time flies

hey hey hey :) 

so, today. hasn’t been very productive at all, which is both a good & bad thing. seriously i have been so drained lately, physically and emotionally. i have barely been functioning correctly. work just goes by so fast, which now there is going to be alot of changes there too, since they replaced my manager, with a way better one. (THANK GOD) but its like, the days just go by, and i dont even notice. like my life is moving fast and im just watching at a distance. i’ve barely responded to any text messages, ive ignored all phone calls, i just watched mean girls & listened to music all day. my brain is kinda scattered, and my body hurts. im like a zombie this week. all the insomnia is catching up to me, and she’s a bitch. 

bad thing about this is, im putting people who i really want in my life on hold, because im too drained to sit back and care that they are probably, slowly losing interest in me. and really, i cant think of anything else to write at the moment. theres really nothing that stays on my mind long enough to talk about. so i may or may not finish updating later. not that anyone cares. i’m really just doing this for myself anyways, so that at that at the end of the year i can sit back & see whats different. with that being said, im out. peeeaaaacceee. :-*